For The Overwhelmed: A Poem

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Dishes in the sink piled high,
I can't keep up
No matter how hard I try.
Hair in the bathtub.
Gray dust behind the door.
Outdoor debris
Scattered across the floor.
Drip stains on the counters.
The fridge needs to be stocked.
Plants need to be watered.
I can't find time to mop.
I can only hold so many pots and pans.
Chores and plans.
In my two tiny hands.


This week I felt burdened by everyday minutiae. I survived it, with the help of my husband. And then I took the weekend off and spent most of it writing and reading.

Falling in Love Again

Sunday, July 23, 2017
Lately my story and I have been estranged.  When I sat down sometimes to write it, or even when I wasn't writing--I could be simply thinking about it--I think to myself, what is so great about this story? Why am I even doing this? And the enthusiasm I felt before fades, like the flavor in an over-chewed piece of gum. I know that things didn't start out this way. I was obsessed with my story when I first started. What changed?

I've been giving this some serious thought, I realized that it isn't love for my story that I've lost. What I've lost are the reasons and feelings why I found it exciting in the first place. What I love about my current story series, The Altered Realities of a Dream-maker, is that it's about the experience of going from feeling hopeless and out of control in life to the realization that although a lot of things are out of control, it's still possible to control our thoughts about them. I admire how the main character Mandy grows from hiding in her room and from herself to engaging with the world and her problems, although she is terrified as if her new found confidence is nothing more than a scam that will leave her penniless in the end.

When I think of how great it is to go from avoiding life to turning to it head on, walking into the wind of it, I feel energized, and I want to reengage with my story. I want to walk into it facing the winds of all the uncertainty that comes with creating a story. So that's where I am right now.

I've finished the rough draft of the second story, and I'm starting into the third, but for a moment I found myself stuck and wondering if it was still worth it. Now that remember why I started this in the first place, I know that it is. Being aware of that gave me the confidence to go ahead and publish the first story, Jellyfish Dreams, anyways. Yes, it is around 16,000 words, but I'm sharing the experience of the story, not the length of it.

I'm still posting it on Wattpad (I've taken a little hiatus, but more chapters will be up soon), but the edited version will be officially published for Kindle and other retailers August 31st. It's currently available for pre-order at Smashwords and Kindle. It will be available for pre-order at Barnes & Noble and other retailers very soon.

As long as I've been putting this off, the decision to go ahead with things came so naturally. Now I cannot wait to start the editing process for the second story, tentative title "Summer Nightmares."

A Series of Unexpected Events

Saturday, July 15, 2017

When I thought about writing this post, I felt uneasy because I wanted to keep my deeply held thoughts to myself. But sometimes, I think it's good to share what's really going on. I have finished the first part of my story series The Altered Realities of a Dream-Maker and the second, but as I started on the third, I felt anxiety. I like this story, and it feels okay, but I don't love it. On top of that, when I finished the first story completely--polished, edited and everything--I found myself unable to press the publish button because it's shorter than I realized. It's only 16,000 words. Looking at things as a reader, if I bought something to read, I would like to get a bit more. On top of that, although I enjoy writing, I cannot deny the visual artist in me who likes to draw comics. I feel like both sides have been warring with each other ever since...I finished Mascara and that was like, five years ago. I'm getting to the point where I can't stand the conflict anymore. I'm paralyzed by indecision and constantly switching directions. So now I'm throwing up my hands like, "Enough of this!" That is, enough of trying to categorize myself into one of two boxes. As a writer, I should be doing such and such. As an artist, I should be doing such and such. But I'm equally drawn to both. Also, realizing that right now I'm more into writing stories of novella and novelette length, I need to be more realistic. As a result of all these realizations, I think that the best way for me to go is to create collections. I'm going to start creating ebooks that hold a collection of work, from writing to comics and other stuff that comes out of my mind. At first, I was a bit hesitant about trying this because I've never seen anyone do something like that, but then I feel I have nothing to lose. I have completed work that I have not been able to share, mainly because I have had no clue of how to share it. So why not throw it all together and see what happens?